The State of OUR Union

President Obama will soon give his State of the Union address to cheers or consternation (depending on which side of the aisle you’re on). And while the President’s address has some impact on the overall workings of the country, what he says won’t really have an impact on the daily life of my family. I’d like to offer a much more meaningful and impactful dissertation on the state of OUR union.

My wife and I have been married for nearly twelve years. We have three awesome kids who bring joy to us each day (no lie). I’d like to offer some updates on domestic issues that I feel should be highlighted:

*LABOR The number of workers in our domestic workforce will increase twenty percent. How is this possible in the days of high unemployment? Our son will turn two soon and has been doing more and more things around the house like putting away his toys, books, and sippie cup. His workload will increase throughout the year, therefore the increase in labor.

*THE ENVIRONMENT The First Lady and I have made a concerted effort to destroy the invasive species colorus televisius and its cousin flatus screenus. I am happy to report that all specimens have been removed from the domestic environment which has resulted in unprecedented tranquility, reduced spending, and greater communication across all departments.

*POPULATION Population totals are expected to remain stable. However, we are not completely opposed to welcoming new members and if they should arrive, appropriate measures will be taken to ensure that they are welcomed and their needs met until they can effectively contribute.

*DOMESTIC SECURITY A great indicator of the level of domestic security is the level of debt that has been taken on. I am pleased to report that debt has been attacked and is retreating as we speak. Within half a year, all debt is expected to be driven from our home, creating a safe and secure financial environment. The enemies of student loans, credit cards, and hospital bills will not be welcomed back.

*HEALTH The premiums are too durn high. Some things are out of my control.

If you’re married, consider the state of YOUR union and make the necessary changes to make it better.

~TV STiNKS